Dialaog of Death

When did we stop talking about death?  When did we stop accepting it as a fact of life? Instead we speak of it in hushed voices or avoid the subject all together. It is as  if somehow we can make it go away, until we find ourselves disconnected from the entire processing of death and dying.

We need to take a page from the lives of our grandparents and great grandparents.  Our ancestors held the title of best in show for their practices of death and mourning during the Victorian period. Maybe it was due to following the fashion of the reigning royal of Europe, Queen Victorian, who was in and out of perpetual mourning from 1861 until her death in 1901.

Adhering to the correct practices in observing the passing of a loved one, was so important, chapters in etiquette books were dedicated to this very subject, from the fashions worn, to the décor of the home. As with most things during the Victorian period, opulence and going over the top were the rules more than the exception and that applied to death and everything associated with  it.

Today when a love one dies, many find it difficult to take time off of work to plan and attend the funeral, little along processing through the mourning period.

In the Victorian age, there were prescribed times of mourning-for women- 2 years and a day. As psychologists examine this today, two years are equal to what most look at as the time to process the death of a loved from. From denial to anger to acceptance. Today everything is so rushed and quickly to be done with, so the person can move on and get on with their lives.

During the Victorian era, death was very much a part of everyone’s lives. From incurable diseases for to the high rate of child and infant mortality, death could easily be a daily occurrence if not in your immediately family then with your friends and neighbors. Families took care of their own dead, from preparing the body, to even making the coffin.Funerals were often held in front parlors of homes. Family members would sit with the dead, day and night until the funeral.

Today those tasks once the responsibility of the families have since been placed in the hands of strangers at local funeral homes.

It is not morbid to think of death, plan for death of yourself or a loved on. On the contrary it demonstrates how important they are to you, by taking the time to plan their wishes, not what you are able to afford, or are manipulated into due to guilt.

Death like birth is a part of life. But so many people don’t want to discuss it, as if it is almost taboo. To plan for your death is considered morbid. This is a topic that we have discussed over and over, how to begin the dialog of planning for death.

 Its time we honor those who are our mothers, fathers, grand parents and children It is time for us to educated ourselves in the care of our own dead.